How to Manage Family Triggers During the Holidays

 

Family gatherings can test even the calmest person’s emotional mastery. Here’s how to stay grounded and keep your peace this holiday season. 

The holidays are supposed to be joyful — warm meals, shared laughter, and traditions that connect us. But let’s be honest: they can also flip emotional switches you didn’t even know were still wired in. 

Family dynamics have a way of pressing old buttons with new force. One remark from a sibling, one opinion from a parent, one “Are you still…?” question — and suddenly your inner peace feels like it’s dangling from a Christmas ornament hook. 

But here’s the good news: triggers don’t have to control your holidays. With Emotional Dexterity, you can shift from reacting to responding — even when you’re sitting next to that one relative. 

Let’s walk through how to stay centered so you can enjoy the season, protect your energy, and show up as your best self. 

1. Identify Your Triggers Before They Find You

Holiday stress compounds when you go in blind. Take a moment to name what typically gets under your skin:

  • A family member who always interrupts?
  • A passive-aggressive comment?
  • A political debate that no one wins?

Awareness creates power. When you can anticipate the moment, your brain is more prepared to choose the right response instead of defaulting to autopilot. 

2. Create Emotional Boundaries (Without Making a Scene)

Boundaries don’t require big speeches or dramatic exits. They’re quiet internal decisions like:

  • “I’m not engaging in that topic today.”
  • “I only stay for two hours.”
  • “I can be kind without over-giving.”

This protects your peace without needing anyone else to change. 

3. Use Micro-Pauses to Reset Your Nervous System

A trigger usually lasts only seconds — but your reaction can last hours. A simple three-second pause can create a powerful emotional reset:

  1. Inhale slowly.
  2. Relax your shoulders.
  3. Ask yourself: “What does the best version of me want to do here?”

This is Emotional Dexterity in action. You interrupt the pattern before the spiral starts. 

4. Prepare a Neutralizing Mantra

Your brain needs something to reach for when tension rises. Try phrases such as:

  • “This moment doesn’t define me.”
  • “I choose peace over proving a point.”
  • “I can have compassion without absorbing.”

This keeps you anchored while emotions swirl around you. 

5. Step Away Before You Get Swept Away

If someone is escalating or draining your energy, honor your emotional bandwidth. Excuse yourself for a moment:

  • Grab a glass of water
  • Step outside
  • Check on the kids
  • Offer to help in the kitchen

A brief reset helps you return grounded, not reactive. 

6. Focus on What’s Working — Not What’s Missing

Even the most triggering families have moments of humor, connection, or nostalgia. Look for them.
Let your attention land on what brings joy rather than what drains it. This shift changes everything. 

7. Remember: Their Behavior Isn’t About You

Most triggering comments are reflections of the other person’s fears, insecurities, or old patterns. Your job is not to fix them — only to regulate yourself. That’s true emotional mastery. 

Final Thoughts

The holidays don’t require perfection — they require presence. And the more you practice Emotional Dexterity, the easier it becomes to stay calm, centered, and compassionate… no matter who sits across the table. 

Emotional Dexterity helps you shift from reacting to responding — even when you’re sitting next to that one relative who pushes your buttons! 

What’s your go-to strategy when emotions rise during family time?
Share it below — someone else might need your wisdom this season. 

About the Author – Dr. Drew Gold

Dr. Drew Gold is a professor, renowned speaker and trainer, and author of Beyond Emotional Intelligence: Never Have Another Bad Day! His work focuses on helping people develop emotional dexterity — the ability to turn stress into strength and challenges into catalysts for growth. Through his research and programs, Dr. Gold empowers individuals and organizations to lead, adapt, and thrive with purpose and emotional clarity. Learn more at getbeyondeq.com. 

Dr. Gold is married and lives with his wife and two crazy cats in Tampa, Florida. He loves to travel and is a master scuba diver trainer who cheers passionately for his Ohio State Buckeyes! O-H-  

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