Finding Emotional Resilience in Times of Loss

 


My heart goes out to those in Los Angeles.  I have many friends and family in the area that are dealing with a horror that others can’t simply imagine.  The entire area is in my thoughts and prayers. While I’m not trying to discount what anyone is dealing with out there, the most important thing is that the vast majority are still ALIVE!  While it will be a long recovery, people can’t be replaced…belongings can.  I’ve already donated to the American Red Cross for disaster relief efforts.  You can donate by simply texting “REDCROSS” to 90999. 

The recent wildfires in Los Angeles have left many facing unimaginable challenges—losing homes, possessions, and cherished memories, while also confronting an uncertain future with their jobs. The emotional toll of such devastating circumstances can feel overwhelming, but even in the darkest moments, emotional resilience can be a guiding light. 

Resilience doesn’t mean making light of or avoiding pain; it’s about finding strength in adversity, processing your emotions, and taking small steps toward recovery. This blog draws from the principles in Beyond Emotional Intelligence: Never Have Another Bad Day to provide actionable strategies for building emotional resilience during this difficult time. 

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions

In times of profound loss, it’s essential to allow yourself to feel your emotions. Grief, anger, fear, and sadness are natural responses to what you’re experiencing. 

What You Can Do:

  • Name Your Emotions: Take a moment to identify and label what you’re feeling. Acknowledge those emotions without judgment.
    • For example: “I feel grief for the memories I’ve lost,” or “I feel fear about what’s next.”
  • Give Yourself Permission to Feel: Remind yourself that it’s okay to experience these emotions fully. Suppressing them can lead to greater stress over time. 

Remember: Feeling your emotions doesn’t make you weak; it’s the first step toward healing. 

2. Focus on What You Can Control

During times of crisis, focusing on what you can control helps ground you in the present and reduces feelings of helplessness. 

Examples of Things You Can Control:

  • Your Daily Actions: Even small routines, like making your bed or taking a walk, can create a sense of stability.
  • How You Respond to Stress: Use calming techniques such as deep breathing or mindfulness to manage overwhelming emotions.
  • Seeking Support: Reaching out to friends, family, or community resources can make a big difference. 

Practical Exercise:
Write down a list of things within your control, such as staying hydrated, checking in with loved ones, or organizing next steps for recovery. 

3. Reframe Challenges with Resilience

It’s hard to see silver linings in times of loss, but reframing your situation can help you find moments of strength and hope. Reframing doesn’t diminish the severity of your experience; it’s about finding ways to keep moving forward. 

Reframing Examples:

  • Instead of: “I’ve lost everything.”
    Reframe to: “I’m facing a new beginning, and I will rebuild, step by step.”
  • Instead of: “I feel powerless.”
    Reframe to: “I have the power to focus on one small task at a time.” 

Action Step:
Each day, write down one thing you’ve overcome or accomplished, no matter how small. Celebrate those wins as signs of your resilience. 

4. Find Strength in Community

You don’t have to face this alone. Connecting with others who are going through similar challenges or who can offer support helps reduce feelings of isolation and builds emotional resilience.

How to Build Connections: 

  • Lean on Loved Ones: Share your feelings and experiences with trusted friends or family members.
  • Join Support Groups: Many communities and organizations offer support for those affected by wildfires or job uncertainty.
  • Give and Receive Help: Helping others in your community, even in small ways, can provide a sense of purpose and connection. 

5. Use Emotional Creators to Shift Your Mindset

When emotions feel overwhelming, emotional creators can help you shift from a negative state to a more balanced and positive one. These tools are especially useful during moments of uncertainty and stress. 

Examples of Emotional Creators:

  • Music: Create a playlist of songs that uplift and calm you. Music has a powerful ability to soothe and inspire.
  • Breathing Exercises: Practice the 4-7-8 technique: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 7, exhale for 8. Repeat to reduce stress.
  • Gratitude Practice: Write down three things you’re grateful for each day, even if they’re small (e.g., a kind word, a warm meal, or a moment of peace).
  • Visualization: Imagine yourself in a safe, peaceful place, or visualize taking positive steps toward recovery. 

6. Create a Routine to Regain Stability

When everything feels uncertain, establishing simple routines can provide a sense of normalcy and control. 

Tips for Routines:

  • Morning Check-In: Start each day with a moment of mindfulness or journaling to set an intention for the day.
  • Small Daily Goals: Focus on manageable tasks, like organizing essential documents or taking care of immediate needs.
  • Evening Reflection: End the day with gratitude or a moment of reflection on what went well. 

7. Seek Professional Support

If your emotions feel too heavy to bear alone, consider reaching out to a counselor or therapist. Professional support can provide tools and guidance to navigate complex emotions and trauma. 

Resources to Consider:

  • Local mental health organizations
  • Employee assistance programs (if job-related stress is a factor)
  • Crisis hotlines and community centers offering disaster-related support 

8. Look to the Future with Hope

It may not feel possible now, but this chapter will eventually pass. Allow yourself to envision a future where you feel strong, safe, and secure again. Holding onto hope, even in small ways, can provide the emotional energy to keep moving forward. 

Affirmation to Reflect On:
“I am stronger than I know. Each day, I am taking steps to rebuild and heal.”

9. Supporting Children Through Loss
Children process loss differently from adults, often relying on cues from their caregivers. Providing honest but age-appropriate explanations and maintaining routines can help them feel secure.

Tips for Talking with Children:

  • Be Honest but Reassuring: Use simple language to explain what’s happening, such as, “The fire burned our house, but we’re safe, and we’re going to find a new home.”
  • Validate Their Feelings: Let children express their emotions without judgment. Reassure them that it’s okay to feel scared, sad, or angry.
  • Maintain Routines: Consistent routines, even small ones like bedtime stories or family meals, provide a sense of normalcy.
  • Encourage Questions: Allow children to ask questions and answer them calmly, even if you don’t have all the answers.

Activity Idea:
Create a “Feelings Journal” for children to draw or write about their emotions. This gives them a safe outlet to process what they’re experiencing.

10. Finding Joy in Everyday Moments
Even in the toughest times, finding small moments of joy can provide emotional relief and foster connection. Building fun activities into your day can shift focus from stress to positivity.

Ideas for Everyday Enjoyment:

  • Indoor Picnics: Lay out a blanket, make sandwiches, and have a picnic in your living room. It’s a simple, playful way to lighten the mood.
  • Family Game Night: Play board games, charades, or trivia to bring laughter and togetherness.
  • Creative Projects: Encourage children to draw, build with blocks, or make a gratitude collage.
  • Nature Walks: If it’s safe to do so, take a walk outside. Fresh air and movement can be grounding and restorative.

Tip: Schedule at least one joyful activity daily. It doesn’t have to be elaborate—what matters is creating moments of connection and relief.

Conclusion: Strength in Adversity

The wildfires in Los Angeles and the accompanying uncertainties are deeply challenging, but even in the face of loss, emotional resilience can guide you through. By acknowledging your emotions, focusing on what you can control, and leaning into supportive practices, you can find strength and hope in these difficult times. Remember, resilience doesn’t mean facing challenges alone—it’s about using every resource available to you, including your inner strength, to move forward.

We’re here for you. Share your experiences or thoughts in the comments, and let’s support one another through this journey of resilience and healing.

About the Author

Dr. Drew Gold is an Associate Professor of Management at Saint Leo University and an Adjunct Associate Professor at the University of North Carolina.  His areas of expertise include technology and innovation management, research methods and statistics, strategic management, and personal and professional development.  He has spent over a decade developing his concept of Emotional Dexterity, which is reflected in his forthcoming book “Beyond Emotional Intelligence: Never Have Another Bad Day!” 

Dr. Gold is married and lives with his wife and two crazy cats in Tampa, Florida. He loves to travel and is a master scuba diver trainer and loves college sports, especially his Ohio State Buckeyes!  O-H- 

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