Emotions as a Choice, Not a Reaction: Navigating Our Inner Landscapes

 

In our daily lives, we often find ourselves riding the roller coaster of emotions, from joy and excitement to sadness and frustration. But how often do we stop and consider the possibility that we might have more control over these emotions than we think? The concept of emotions as a choice is a fascinating exploration into our psychological and emotional well-being.

Understanding Emotions

Before delving into whether emotions can be chosen, it’s important to understand what emotions are. Emotions are complex responses to internal or external events that have significant meaning to the individual. These responses are multi-faceted, involving physiological arousal, expressive behaviors, and subjective feelings.

The Debate: Are Emotions a Choice?

The idea that we can choose our emotions challenges the traditional view that emotions are immediate and instinctive responses to stimuli. This perspective suggests that while our initial reactions may be automatic, the ongoing experience of an emotion is subject to personal control and interpretation.

Initial Reaction vs. Sustained Emotion

It's clear that we don’t have complete control over our immediate emotional reactions. As human beings, we are designed to react to our emotions first. When an emotional stimuli enters the brain, it starts in the limbic system, or the emotional center of the brain. As such, we react based on the emotion created by the stimuli. This reaction is often instinctive and rooted in our evolutionary biology. For example, feeling fear upon hearing a loud noise is an automatic response. Once the stimuli passes through the limbic system, it enters the rational part of the brain.  This is where we think about our reaction.  In the rational part of the brain, the duration and intensity of how we continue to feel fear can be influenced by our thoughts and actions.

Practical Steps to Choosing Your Emotions

Choosing your emotions doesn't mean ignoring or suppressing them. There is a reason you feel fear…learn to understand the signal, then let the emotion move on.  After all, emotions are designed to be in motion and move through us.  The key is to hold on longer to the positive emotions and learn what the negative emotions are telling us and move on.  There is a more conscious engagement with what you feel and how you respond. Here are some steps to help you navigate your emotions more effectively:

1. Identify and Recognize Your Emotions

The first step in gaining control over your emotions is to identify them accurately. Are you really angry, or are you perhaps feeling hurt? By identifying and recognizing your  emotions, you begin the process of understanding and managing them more effectively.

2. Reflect on the Cause

Understand what triggered your emotion. Is your anger due to an unmet expectation, or is your sadness stemming from a loss? Is related to being in an uncomfortable situation or did someone say something that just teed you off? Reflecting on the cause can help you address the root of the emotion and its causes, rather than just the symptom.

3. Choose Your Response

Once you’ve identified and understood your emotion, decide how you want to respond. This step is where choice comes into play. If you’re feeling anxious about a meeting, you can choose to focus on the potential positive outcomes rather than your fear of what could go wrong. This frequently involves shifting your mindset from one of fear to one of growth.

4. Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques

Mindfulness can help you observe your emotions without getting overwhelmed by them. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation can reduce the intensity of your emotions, giving you more room to choose your response.

5. Re-frame Your Thoughts

Change your emotional trajectory by altering your cognitive frame. Instead of thinking, "This will never work," try thinking, "I will find a way to overcome this challenge." This re-framing can help transform negative emotions into more positive or constructive ones.

The Power of Perspective

The way we perceive events and the stories we tell ourselves play a significant role in our emotional experience. By shifting our perspective, we can often change our emotional response. This doesn’t mean being unrealistically positive, but rather finding a more balanced view of the situation.

Conclusion

While we cannot control every aspect of our emotions, we can influence them significantly. By understanding the nature of emotions and practicing conscious engagement with them, we can enhance our emotional agility and well-being. The journey of emotional choice is not about denial or suppression but about empowerment and authentic living.

In exploring emotions as a choice, we find that our capacity for emotional creation is a powerful tool in crafting a more positive and fulfilling life. By embracing this perspective, we can navigate the complexities of our inner landscapes with more confidence and control.

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Dr. Drew Gold is an Associate Professor of Management at Saint Leo University and an Adjunct Associate Professor at the University of North Carolina.  His areas of expertise include technology and innovation management, research methods and statistics, strategic management, and personal and professional development.  He has spent over a decade developing his concept of Emotional Dexterity, which is reflected in his forthcoming book “Beyond Emotional Intelligence: Never Have Another Bad Day!”

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